


The Crossover Of Death

by Dorkangel



Category: Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Confused Dwarves, Crossover, Gen, I have No Excuse, Jamie acts little kiddy, River is taking none if his shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-24
Updated: 2014-05-24
Packaged: 2018-01-26 08:54:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1682366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dorkangel/pseuds/Dorkangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So, the Doctor, River Song, Captain Jack, Jamie McCrimmon and a Type 40 in the body of a woman walk into the TARDIS...<br/>...And then Jamie walks out and into Middle Earth. Thorin Oakenshield is not amused.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Crossover Of Death

**Author's Note:**

> If you don't know who Jamie is, he was a Scot from the 1700s who travelled with the Second Doctor. He wore a kilt and was a bit shy and a bit gullible. That's all you need to know to understand this fic!

The Crossover From Hell

Jamie McCrimmon woke up from where the Tenth Doctor had let him nap in the ragged chair in the console room, stretched, and walked hesitantly out of the open door. You never knew when new planets might be deadly.  
This one, however, seemed pleasant enough. They were in a light forest on a hillside somewhere, with sunlight shining through the trees. He could see rolling green hills in the distance.  
"Doctor," called Jamie. "Doctor, where are you?"  
There was no reply and he began to get worried, moving forward through the forest, not really looking where he was going...  
And crashing into a company of thirteen very short blokes with beards.

*

Back in the TARDIS, the Doctor wandered back into the console room and frowned. "Idris?"  
The Victorian TARDIS/Lady stuck her head out from the corridor.  
"Hmm?"  
"Where's Jamie?"

*

"I'm sorry, I dinnae see ye there."  
"Who the hell are you?"  
"Uh...my name's James McCrimmon."  
"And I am Thorin Oakenshield, but I am no closer to having an answer."  
Jamie rubbed the back of his neck thoughtfully. These guys might be short, but they sure were carrying a lot of weapons, and there were more of them than there were of him. And he'd left his sword in the TARDIS.  
"I don't suppose any o' you've seen a tall, skinny man in a blue and brown suit?"

*

"River, Jack," shouted the Doctor as he jogged around the TARDIS, really getting quite concerned. "Have you seen Jamie?"  
"No, Sweetie, why?"  
"Nope on the Jack front too, boss."  
"I've lost him. He was having a nap and I think he might have wandered off."

*

Bilbo Baggins couldn't help but interrupt. "Why are you wearing a skirt?"  
"Hey! It's a kilt! And why are your feet so big?"  
Balin rolled his eyes. "Laddie, what are you doing here, really?"  
"I'm looking for...my friend. And I might have kinda got lost."  
Suddenly a smallish, violent-looking, curly-haired woman burst into the clearing.  
"Jamie! There you are!" He yelped as River Song grabbed his arm and began to pull him off.  
"Sorry if he's been bothering you! What happened?" That last bit was hissed in Jamie's ear.  
"The door was wide open! I thought he'd gone out, and I went after him."  
River rolled her eyes. "Idris. Messing around again."  
"Aye."

*

The Company of Thorin Oakenshield spent the rest of the day's march in relative silence, each silently daring the others to say something about the odd human boy first.  
Naturally, it was Kili who broke.  
"What in the name of the Valar just happened?"

*

River got them all assembled in the console room and called Idris until a hologram of her appeared, and then looked at the Doctor like she expected him to do something.  
He cleared his throat awkwardly while Jack tried not to laugh, River looked smug, Jamie looked nervous and Idris wore her usual look of haughty innocence.  
"Umm... I'm probably supposed to tell you two off. Jamie and Idris, I mean. Umm... Jamie, don't wander off. Idris, don't get him to wander off."  
They all waited for him to continue.  
"That's it."  
Idris folded her arms stroppily, flickered and disappeared. River shook her head and fixed the Doctor with a glare before heading out as well, followed closely by a laughing Jack, who simply couldn't get over the fact that Jamie had literally bumped into some characters from 'The Hobbit'.  
Jamie waited until they were gone before moving forwards and hugging the Doctor contentedly. "I think I'm gonna get back to sleep. Thank you."  
"What?"  
"I mean, for not shouting at me. That 'River' scares me."  
The Doctor laughed and shrugged him off good naturedly. "Go back to your room then. Idris probably won't mess with you there..."

*

To NOT be continued!

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, the reasons Jamie acts a bit nervous is cos 1. the Second Doctor could sometimes get really pissed off and shout at people 2. He's a self depreciating kind of person, poor thing 3. It's cute


End file.
